A Teens Servival Guide to Jeremy Kyle

I think that most people know who Mr Kyle is, he's 'the British Jerry Springer', who started off as a breakfast presenter for capital FM. I ask you, when you watch his show how many kids do you see actually get the better off the parents? Awnser: 1, and he was ingenious, this kid had Jeremy, his step dad and his mum trying to beat him down but whenever a point was raised he would instantly give the reason for it, every time making sure the blame would come back pointing squarely at the adults, but after the most of it was done the cherry on the top came along when the step dad slapped the kid with his, 'can not fail argument' of, you hit your mother to which he looked down and replied that his mum was telling him horrible things about his real dad, the whole audience just gasped, the this kid hadn't quite finished, as soon as the audience had just about stopped he took it straight to his step dad with 'and I know it was the wrong thing to do and I'm sorry but it's not like I pushed her down the stairs, is it' it transpired that the step dad had lost his rag and hospitalised the mum, the kid became a hero and the audience took their tern to lay it in to the humiliated pair. I have seen a lot of the shows and I have notest that its normally Jeremy who will take the kids side then just before something big is said he abandons them and he looks good by pretending that he gave them a fair shot and they blew it. For this reason I think kids aught to have a statagy guide to dealing with him. So here it is:

Step one: When you come on stage don't shout or scream (I know it seams fun but its like walking though airport metal detectors, getting through and shouting 'YES', its just not gonna strengthen your case) and dont't say ' you don't know me!!' it's like coad for 'death worrent', just come on don't move the chair, if you get the chance shake Kyles hand and if he welcomes you a heartfelt thank you is really gonna help.

Step two: The arguments, sware once prefrably a 'what the fuck?' then instantly appologise and clame that there was no need to use that language. If you said it in a angry way take 30 seconds or so to 'calm down' then say 'sorry but you can see how she/he trys to get to me, and its like this all the time'

Step 3: Save the best till last, (usaly includes, abuse, violence, shagging everything in sight), as far as these are concerned the best one that's been on tv is, 'what about you putting yourself in the paper as Lady Whiplash!!!!'. It helps to be serious if it's in the balance, but if you have the chance go for the embarrassing stuff, it makes them back down, the audience support you more.
Step four : Laugh and laugh for weeks and weeks.